


There Can Only Be One

by pumpkin_popper (peachofmyeye)



Series: There Can Only Be One [1]
Category: Canadian Music RPF, Justin Bieber (Musician), NSYNC, Political RPF - Canadian 21st c., Pop Music RPF, Shawn Mendes (Musician)
Genre: (fireworks went off when they made out), (someone was blown up by the fireworks), ;), Bazookas, Brass knuckles, CURSED FIC, Cannibalism, Captain Canada - Freeform, Careless whisper, Ducks, Enemies to Lovers, Except for Hannibal, Fainting, Fantabulicious Bootays, I Don't Even Know, I'm so fucking sorry, It's Gonna Be May, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Mentions of homophobia, Murder, Non-Graphic Violence, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Overuse of the word "Motherfucker", Pole Dancing, Rating May Change, References to My Immortal, References to Shawn The Sheep, Sexy Times, Sporks, Swords, This is cursed, Total shitpost, a unicorn sharted on justin trudeau, although that's what most cannibals would say right, and anacondas, armie hammer reference in the title of chapter 8, awful, because honestly the cannibalism scandal thing was too good to not reference, but the cannibalism part, dang i'm getting off topic, disgusting, don't worry i just had to diss him because he's never seen a wet-ass pussy, fanfiction cliches (yes their tongues battled for dominance), fifty shades was my main influence for chapter 7, geysers of blood, he's not just happy to see you, i have been told that the descriptions of cannibalism are graphic, i think it worked out well hbu, i'm really into this cannibalism stuff, it's a sword, justin needs anger management, maple syrup, mention of ben shapiro, no i swear i'm not a cannibal, non-consensual evisceration, non-consensual stabbing, not the abusive relationship part ofc, off-screen sex, rock-hard love rods, shedding a single tear, shhh definitely not me projecting onto my characters, so much cannibalism, the canadian national anthem, the good ol' "oh shit i'm gay" moment, timberlake has a lust for hooman fleshshshshsh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-14 17:40:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 2,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29175027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachofmyeye/pseuds/pumpkin_popper
Summary: Justin decides that there can only be one famous Canadian singer.
Relationships: Justin Bieber/Shawn Mendes, Justin Trudeau/Justin Timberlake, Shawn Mendes & Justin Bieber
Series: There Can Only Be One [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2147730
Kudos: 4





	1. Justin getz angreh

**Author's Note:**

> This is total crack. I'm sorry if you were expecting something different.
> 
> I don't own Shawn Mendes, Justin Bieber, My Immortal, Shawn the Sheep, Justin Trudeau, or any other people/things mentioned  
> not even a plastic spork
> 
> if you or someone you know is mentioned here...honestly, idgaf. read it. it's you that'll be scarred for life.
> 
> if you see this fic on any other platform, i didn't put it there. please tell me if you see it! i refuse to let some random mofo take credit for the disgusting things that my mind comes up with
> 
> updates on wednesdays/saturdays
> 
> this story will be stand-alone, but i'm planning on making a companion piece detailing what would happen if...some other stuff didn't happen  
> very vague i know but i don't wanna give spoilers

justin beaver skowled at his fone before thruwing it to the grownd. how DARE peopel sai that shaun mendez wuz beter than himmmmmmm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! suddenli, he gert a big brain idea.

"THEIR CAN ONLY BE WUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he shreked!!!!! "I'M THE SUPREME CANADIAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHAUN MENEDZ CAN KISS MAH FANTABULICIOUS BOOTAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

angruley huffin, he stamped over to his fone and anguleh poked someonez naim.

"GIMMMMME SHAWN THE SHEEPS NUMBERRRRRR YOU MOTHERFUCKER" HE YELLED (A/N OOP I FORGOT TO TURN OFF CAPS LOCK)

his fone dinged :O


	2. shawn is confuzzled

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> what it says in the title

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why am i doing this at 3 am

justin had gotten a teckst with sean men-dezz's fone numbah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that random motherfucker was good fur something after alllllllll

he typed in teh nermbuh and pressed taht lil gren buton

"Hi, who is this?" said shauuuuuun into the phone because he's a big brain cautios dud unlike that little beaver bitch

"IT'S ME YOU SAD LIL ECKSKUSE FUR A CANERDIEN!!!!!!!!! UR GOING DOWN >:((((((((" the beaver bitch said bc hez a bitch

"oh yeah" said ~~dumbledore~~ shawn calmleh. "meet me at the flagpole at 3"

then he hung up bc guess wht shanw is a bitch too

huh???????? thought justine

zen, just az he wuz abt to eat some maple syrup (because he's canadian you fucktard) a hugemunguous flagpole rose from the ground :000000


	3. a wild shawn mendes has appeared!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> shawn is seggzy  
> justin iz angrey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't know why i'm doing this  
> sorry

on top of teh poll wuz…………SHAWNNNNN MNEDSE!!!!!! he has long ebony black hair (that’s how he got his name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches his mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people have told him that he looks like Amy Lee (AN: if u don’t know who she is get da hell out of here!). He’s not related to Gerard Way but he wishes that he was because he’s a major fucking hottie. He’s a vampire but his teeth are straight and white. He has pale white skin. He’s also a witch—oh wait, was i just writing my immortal?

oops

ernaywaiz, shaun wus on tawp off the powl :OOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and he wuz...POLL DANSINGB!!!!!!!!!!! WITH CANERDIEN UNDRRRWARE :OOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

jay-beebs fainted from the sexyness

but zen he awokened becusz shawn shreked like a moneykeyyy

“YOU MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I CAN’T EVEN FAINT FROM SHEER SEGGZYNEZZ IN PEEEESE!!!!” SCREAMED J-BIEBz


	4. Chapter 4

justin wuz so mad that he finnaly rememberdff wyh swahn mnedse waz dere.

“FIGHT ME, SHAWN TEH SHEP!!!!!!!!!!! FOR THERE KAN NOLY BEE WUN FAMEUZ KANAYDIAN SINGRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

shawn snickerrd.

“iz dat a sword, or r u juzt relly happi ta sea mee” he sed, leering

shrekerng bloody merder, juzten pulled out a GINORMOUS, HUGEMUNGOUS, COLLOSSAL FUKCIGN SOWDR FORM HIZ FUKCINGN PANTZ!!!!!!!!!!!

“ITR IZ A ZZRWORD YU STUPID MOTHERFIUJOCJER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” he yeled and stabbed shawnnn

“AIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE” skreechd sean!!!!! “FCUK YUUE!!!!!!”

den, shaun punhced justen wiht his HUGE FUCKGING SPIKY MOTHRWERFUJNFIGN BRASSSSSSS KNUKLEZZZZ!!!!!!


	5. my duck is bigger than yours

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's 2 am and i am writing shitty rpf crack fiction  
> what is my life

justene shreekd wit payne!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! blud gushdde oiut off hiz face llijke ae miujhtherffucking geyzer!!!!!!!!

‘sheep boi wont get awayj wiht dis!!!’ he htouhg.

lettting ihs bludluzt takle him voer, jhfe attacjked.

it wuz very bliuddy.

*some time later*

juztin an shwan stahpd ta cach they’re breth. dey were boht bleedign profusely. jjusitin, the mor batterded off da too, reealizzed taht he wud nevre winn. rite efter htat, tho, he had a biggg brian ideeuh.

“hey, shep boi,” he gaspd. “letz compear ducks and finish dis wunse adn four al”

“fine,” pantesd shean, equally tirefd.

they each reacheddddd into their pantz.

“on the couthn of threoe! wun........................................to...........................................”

“TREEE!”

both dudez pulled out a huuge fuckngi udck!

“QUACK!” sed teh ducks similtaneously nbc they big brain.

“AHHAHHAHHA!” ye;lled sauwne. “u sad fuck! my ducjmk is wayyyy bigfger tahn urz!!!!”


	6. ducks have curly dicks

justin gawt madd agen (he shuld probably gio to angwer manaigekment clazz)!

“NU ITZ NAWT” hee howled, hiz fase resemnbllng a howler munky’s.

“yez it iz,” sed shawn, unfazed by the small-brain beaver.

Just den, teh ducjks unkleashed there long werid-ass cruly pensises and ebgan hvaign hot gay dcuk sex!!!!!

“WHAT THE FUKC?! WYHH IZ MAH DUCJK THE BOTTOM?!” juzten skreiked

“wut’z rong wit bein teh botom?” askd sean

“ITAINT MANLEH!!!” cryed justine in dsizmay

“tahts fudjken homophobik, u lil beaver btihfch!!!!” shaun tol dhim bc he’s a fudking woke bicth

“omgee it iz?!!” blubbered justen. “boo-hoo im soooooo sorryyy,” he cryed, teers streeming down hiz face.

“itz okey” shaunnn sed comfoirtenly. “yu’ll do beeter next tyme.”

and then

they KISSED

ON THE FUDJKEN LIPS


	7. sexy times feat. j-biebs and shawn the sheep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this from 3-4 am
> 
> ^^this and the chapter title tells you everything that you need to know

“oh shit,” sed justin. “i’mm gae”

“oh em gee me two! we hav so much in comon!” exclaimed shawn

they kissed again

‘twas like fireworks wer goin of

in teh background, somene shrieked

( the person was blown up wit a fyrwurk)

ambulance sirenz waled

yet shaun an justin were  so engrossd wit eech other dat dey didn’t notice

they made out, tungz batling fir dominanse

juzten  sudenly gazped, feeling sean’s rock-hard love rod

shawn moaned. “MMOOAAAARRRR” he said.

jestun  flet his anaconda  stiffen nd he g aspd

he wuz so trund on!! if he wuz a gurl, he wud be wetter than  ~~ ebn shapiro’s wife ~~ ( A/N:  oh wait that ain’t saying much) a fudjkng  osheean!!!!

he surfaced for air after making out wit shawn for 10 hours gay

he gazed tnederly in to shean’s eyez

then

tehy had..................................................................teh seggs!


	8. justin eats, armie hammer style

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me writing this chapter while listening to music: ohoho shawn honey you gonna need more than stitches to fix that wound

sighghing ,  bowth men  layed in  teh afterglow of  they're mind-blowing, earth-shattering gay sex

suddenly  rememnering y  shauwhn wuz dere , he gazpd.

miztackking hiz shoked gasp  az wun of  arowsal ,  saen grinned

"up four  roujnd two?" he asked

justen made up  hiz mind

he edged  clozer and  closre to  teh ohter man and  whishsperd in  hiz eer.

" their'll nevr be  anutha rownd"

"huh?" sed shaun

then,  justin plunjed his sharp  hsarp teeth, which he had  sharopend wit his sword, into  shawn mendez's kneck!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"AIEEEE"  shean tried to  shrek , but his screams  wrre soon drowned out by gurgling as  blurd wnet everywear .

mnid clowded wit bludlust , juzt3n did the  unly ting he  coulld think of.

he ripped  shawn's throat out!

wit his teeth!

talk about kinky, am  i right?

anyways,  shawn dieed aftr hiz throat  wuz riped out, like a  normul person

justen hten eviscerated shwan and ate his guts

"yum  yum " sed  justin . " tihs is better than seggz"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sips disgusting tea that's half sugar and cream* much cliffhanger
> 
> coming next: "why is the prime minister of canada here?" (with disgusting spelling, of course) (writing this is taking a toll on my writing skills) (i have to triple-check any homework that includes writing because i'm afraid)


	9. the prime minister of canada???!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welp i fell behind already  
> sorry for the late chapter

juzten kept muinchin shaun’z organs, the guts making squelchy noyses in his mouth. the disgusting soundz fild teh otherwize silent ruum.

buht juzt as he wuz gonna rip open shawnz ribcage and nible on his tasty tasty heart, a zapping sound happened!!!!

jusitn trurnd his hed so fast he almozt gawt wiplashh.

“whoz dere???!!!” he yeled, blud driping doun his fase.

teh regull beginin notez of the canadian nashional anthem startd playin.

justin’s eyez widened.

it wuz like he had bin possessed. opening hiz still-full-of-guts mowth, he begain to sing.

“O Canada! Our home and native land!  
True patriot love in all of us command.  
  
  
With glowing hearts we see thee rise,  
The True North, strong and free!  
  
  
From far and wide,  
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.  
  
  
God keep our land glorious and free!  
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.  
  
  
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.”

az he finished, a man spoke from teh shadows.

“nice singing,” he sed.

“who teh heck r u????!!” sed justine. “ive killd be4 an i’ll kill agen!!!!”

“oh, you silly silly boi,” sed the man in the shadwos. “dont u reckonize me?”

den, the man stepped intu teh lite

he wuz

jUSTIN tRUDEAU!!!!!


	10. captain canada: the first avenger

juzten beebre gasped. “yoiur...justen trudaeu?????? the pryme ministrrr of canadia???”

“yep” said the prime minister of canada. he was looking smexy as usual in a suut, but sumting wuz rong. he wuz coverrd in rainbow gliter!!! it luked like a unicorn sharted own him!!!

j-beebs also saw teh glitter

“LMAO” he sherkd. “u hav rainbou glittr all over!!”

teh rpime ministe pf canada appeerd thotful. he hmmed, luuking contemplative as he gayzed at his soot. he appeared to cume to a cunclushon.

“well, it doesn’t mater” he sed.

then............he ripped off hiz suit!!!!

!!!!!!

juzten swooneed, but abruptly woke when he realized that what he saw underneath the soot wuz nt bare skin.

the prime minister fo cananda glared at him.

“u have brocken teh canadian code of conduck” he proclaymed. “i, captain canada, must stahp u”

then, captain canada pulled out a giant fukcging bazooka an took aim.


	11. good boy gone bad

“o-oh e-e-m g-g-g-gee” stutred juztin biebre. “y r u doin dis, mr prime mininsiter of canada mr trudeau sir?” teers weled up in his eyz. “i twusted u :’(”

“i’m nawt teh prime minister fo canada!!!!!! an’ i’m not jsusting treudeau either!!!!! i’m captian cananda@!!!!!!11!!!!1!” sed capten candnana.

he pressed hiz finger closer to teh triger of his giant bazzooka.

juzten beiber screamed anld sobed a tthe same time. “oh god,” he sed teerfuly. “iz dis the end?”

“downt take teh lord’z nayme in vain!!” rerpikamded captain candada.

then

he lourwerd teh bazooka.

AND PULLED OUT A HUGE GIGAONTIC MONSTRUOUS FRICKEN SLEDGEHAMMMER!!!!!!!!!

“I’M THOR!!!!” he shreked, and charged.


	12. is it too late to say sorry now

juztin shreked with the froce of a thousand laffign hyenaz!1!!!!11!! he grabbbed hiz sord ta defiedn hinmself, buht it was too la.te.

j-beebs wus ded.

“REEEEEEET” skreet3ed capt aincananda. he wuz victoerius!!!!!!!!!!!!

he left the bilding, juztin’z smashed corpse and shaun’z eviscerated wun behidn him.

but he made a miztak. he luuked back.

behind himk, bieber ‘s body stood up.

“what the fluckkk” seid capten canadia.

the body strate d singing.

“Yeah I know that I let you down  
Is it too late to say sorry now?”

then it fell over and looked ded agen.

“whaaaaaaat the fluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck” sed captain canadadaina

“ah well” he sed. “who carez about that muthwrkfuxker anyways”

den, he put on a nuw soot bc hiz old wun wuz covred in unicorn shart and drove to teh areport.

evrywere arund him, he herd mermers.

“oh em gee, is that mr trudeau senpai?!!” ppl carelessly whispsperd (🎶i’m never gonna dance again, guilty feet have got no rhythm🎶)

he passed them bc they’/re wurthlesz.

den, he went thru security and wuz cleered even tho he still had his huge mtoehrfucincking sledgehammmmmmer and fuckfoing bazooka.

he went to hiz gate bc he felt like flying commmmmerichial dammit

but when he gawt dere, he saw teh man that he elast expected to be dhere :OOO

twas......................

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg much cliffhanger :OOOOO


	13. jt

“JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE???!!!” cryed trudeau, poynting an accusiing fingre at hmi. 

timber lake griinnnned. “taht’s rite!!!!!!!” he sed. “i bet that you didnt tink u would sea me agen!!!!!” 

truedoe trmebled in shocjk. “noe...i dindn’t” he sed. “y r u heer?” 

“ah, doen’t u kno?” timbrelayk sed airilee. “i’m heer to phinish wat we strarted, all doze yeers agoe” 

trudeau blanched 

“wh-wh-wh-whaaaat” hee sttutterredd. 

and then he swooned 

rite into jusitn timbrelak’ss armz! 

wen he woke up, his eyz were greetd bye teh seggzy sexi perfectshion taht iz juzten timijsberlake 

they gayzed intu eech uzer’s bloo eyez 

then 

they sucked face!


	14. mr prime minister justin trudeau sir vs. plastic spork: the ultimate showdown

as dey made ow t, trijmberalke reeched into hiz jackte. 

and hee puled otu a PLASITC SPORK! 

trudeua wuz cunfuzzledc. 

“y du u hav a sprok?” he aksed 

timberlakle grined savasdgely. 

“bcuz” he sed. “i’m gunna eeet u” 

trudueua gaszpped, hiz eyes becuming as bigg az sauserz! 

“nu!” he sed. “u r my lover! not mah anenome!” 

timberlake msiled whilst shaking hiz hed. “oh, mah deer sweet pirme minisnther. we ende d dis relatiobspip 15 yers ago. wii ain’t lovahs no more!’ 

trudaeu shed a single teer, wich glimmred under teh bad airoiport lgihting. 

“besidez,” tiberlake contimnued. “mah luzt fur u is nawt as strogn as my lazt for HOOMAN FLESHSHHSHSH!!!!!!” 

trudeua faitned in feer. 

“hm” sed timberedlake. “htis wil make tuhe next step a lto easier” 

den, he puled otu a plastztic nife and sartranred chwonign down.


	15. roses are red, april is grey, but in a few months...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sadly, this is not as graphic as i wanted it to be  
> my friends were still disturbed though

jt tenderly sliced the  meat from the bones of his  soon-to-be- dead lover. tkaing  otu a chainsaw, he caerfully  opedned trduea’s ribcakge , mkaing sure nto to damag e teh organs taht lay beneath. tossing asied th3  small, cruved pieces of bone , his eyez lit up with glee4 when he saw  jistijn trudaue’s sfot, squshity , warm heart. reeching into the  chehst cavity, he grabed  teh pulsing organ , relishng teh slimy feel of it.

stroking justin truduau’s  alive face for the last tyme, he smyled. it waz a smile of sadness , of waht could hav been.

but juzt as quickily as the smiel had appeered,  it disappeared, mrofphing into soemtiohng much mor e bloodthristy.

lfinting trudaeus’ heart to hiz mouth, he took a large  chomp.

trudeau’s tastyf blood burst out into hiz mowht like  a fresh tide pod!

“mmmmm” sed timberklake. “much deliciouses”

he tore out hte bit of heart taht wuz reamainting and set it asid e for later.

“hhmmmm” he sed, caressing trudeau’s lungz. “whicih oen shuld i eet frist?”

lookeding heavenwareds, he sat in slkience for awhile. appeerignn to make aio desiciothn, he lloekd abck down at the lugns.

kwikly, he ripped thenm out and shoved both of the nm itno hiz mothu.

leavign truduaeus’ gastriontestinal  systemn alome for teh mometn, tumbrelak  yoinked out trudeaus’ pair off kidneiz and  delicately  julienned them. grabing handfuls of  thin sliced kidnye bits, he rored.

“ME IZ CANNIBALLL!” he skreeted.

he den proceeded to shov hiz face ful of kidney.

makding quik wurk of teh other organz , he sa tbakc and lookd comtenmplatively at trudeau’s empty abdominal cavity .

“rip,” he sed, and shed a singl teer.

then, he walked ov erto the half-eaten heart that hhe had set asied , singing az hee wnet.

Every little thing I do   
Never seems enough for you   
You don't want to lose it again   
But I'm not like them   
Baby, when you finally   
Get to love somebody   
Guess what   
It's gonna be MAY

axz he consumed the remaining bit orf heart, he wuz unaware tha t singing those simbple words wuld ignite an unfixable confilct , one taht would change teh lives of everyone in teh universe.

**Author's Note:**

> congrats  
> you've survived so far
> 
> ahahaha i lied again i think i'll just be doing one chapter every wednesday and saturday  
> ok i lied i'm just feeling kinda dead rn and wrapping up this story is hard sorry  
> i will definitely be done by the end of the month


End file.
